If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dear god my vagina.
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