On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
