Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
