Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
