I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
