bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
