What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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