Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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