the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
