I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
