Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
