Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
