I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
