The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
