I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
