I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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