If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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