My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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