I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
