I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
