Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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