please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
