He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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