i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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