I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm like, not good at living.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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