I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize