Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
