I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize