fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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