dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Two words: blizzard sex
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
