I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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