Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
