literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
