Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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