Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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