Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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