I wish I could teleport
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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