Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize