Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
