I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
