She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize