jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Be still, my beating vagina.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
