Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize