And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
