Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
