Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
