he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
