I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
