I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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