Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
