dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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