Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
