Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
