youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So much rum. So many feels.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
