I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
