Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
