Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i out mim tonsoeep
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