Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
