Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
