dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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