..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You are the jesus of drinking
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize