it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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