his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
