my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
