from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
