How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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