I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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