he shaved USA in his pubs
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
