ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
