i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
